Monster
by acochran5
Summary: He supposed it didn't matter what he said to Shizuo. And the truth made him hurt but he knew in the end he was the true monster. (Shizaya if you squint) COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara**

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It all started when the boy cried monster.

Monster…

Everything was supposed to be a game… everything was supposed to be fun… until one day it wasn't anymore. Not that day, when he realized something.

He had known many things about many people, he had predicted so many things from so many people, but if there was one person who was the most predictable of all, he supposed it'd be himself. The one in the midst of chaos… always.

He was lying to himself. He didn't quite remember when, but he knew this habit started a long time ago. He told himself now, that everything was fun… even though it really wasn't. No, really his entire world would fall apart at this moment if he allowed it.

The moment they had met it was like the fire met the kindle. He fed kindle to the flames, making it burn brighter and brighter. He'd never thought about what would happen once he hadn't anymore kindle to give. He never thought how in the end, no matter how beautiful his plans had seemed, after the fire died the only thing left would be an ashy mess of what was once beautiful.

Had it been a lie? Had his fun been a lie? Had everything he'd ever done, everything he'd ever stood for been a lie? How could he allow himself to feel something he didn't want to feel, see something he didn't want to see, and understand something he didn't want to understand.

He didn't want to feel the acceptance, he didn't want to see everything click into place, and most of all, he didn't want to understand what was left.

He felt like all his life he'd been pretty acceptant, going with the flow of chaos he initiated, allowing people to do what they would while he stood from afar, observing.

This was no longer satisfactory.

Because now he understood.

He understood that there were some things in this world he could not accept. And this was definitely one of these things. He could not accept him, or rather, he could not accept what he represented.

His failure.

He could not accept Shizuo Heiwajima. Could not accept that he was human, could not love him, could not understand him… he was only a monster… or that's what he drilled into himself.

But even with these conclusions, somehow… through it all, Shizuo was loved by people, by humans, HIS humans. And it wasn't fair.

Why did a monster get love? Why did people like him? Why was he sympathized with? What did Shizuo have that he was missing? It must've been something rather large, though he couldn't understand what… he couldn't see what. And he never had,

Until now, that is.

He watched as Shizuo ripped another sign from the ground and hurled it at him. He dodged, laughing. It was amusing how Shizuo was so emotional and got so bent out of shape when he called him names. It was hilarious, and empowering and… he supposed after so long, it was rather predictable. But, he knew not to get too settled in to such a routine. After all, one of the reasons he hated Shizuo was because he was unpredictable, another was that he was a monster, and the thing he hated most about him, was that he could be loved by humans, of course.

He noticed the sign Shizuo threw, impale itself in a brick wall, almost hitting a small child in the head. His eyes rolled over the child for a moment before his attention turned back to his plaything.

Shizuo kept stalking forward, obviously even more enraged. He didn't even know what Shizuo hated about him so much. Was it the smirk, his taunting words, his tendency to be involved with everything chaotic? There really were so many options. It was fun, trying to understand why a human hated him.

He laughed again, allowing Shizuo to come closer, when the two of them were cut off by the loud wails of the child Shizuo almost hit. He didn't pay any attention to it, he was a little busy having fun. But Shizuo paused and glanced at him, and then at the child, him and then at the child.

He was greatly amused by this indecisiveness. What was more important? Him or a tiny brat? He had never even given thought to the fact he wouldn't be chosen but… then he was abandoned there on the street as Shizuo walked over to the kid instead.

He didn't understand… he had been left, for a stupid child? It unnerved him greatly and it even infuriated him. Was he really so replaceable, so easily ignored?

It… it kind of made his chest hurt. "Oh Shizu-Chan~." He crooned. "What're you doing over there?" Shizuo promptly ignored him and he could hear the blonde man asking the child what was wrong and then the kid blabbing about everything on the face of the Earth.

He had just been ignored… the feeling grew. "Shizu-Chan!" it came out a tiny bit angrier than he meant it to sound, but Shizuo answered him this time. The answer though, was not Shizuo chasing after him.

"Not now you stupid flea. Go do something else, I'm sure there's LOTS of other people you can go bother."

He frowned and stared as Shizuo straightened up from his crouch and led the kid off to help him find his mother…

He stood there for a few minutes, that frown still on his face as he thought. He had just been abandoned.

Was he really so… so bland that Shizuo could simply walk away from him? Was he not as infuriating to the blonde as he had thought? He didn't… he didn't understand.

In the end, there was nothing left to do but stick his hands in his pockets and walk away. He hoped his face didn't show as much shock as he felt.

He wondered if people liked Shizuo because he helped people… helped good people who needed him. Shizuo had quelled his rage for that kid, just so he could help him.

He never would've done that. He knew that if he was on a war path he wouldn't stop to help a kid on the street. Hell, he wouldn't do that even if he wasn't on a war path.

The walk back to his apartment in Shinjuku helped him sort of reflect on these things. In the past he'd gathered a lot of information on Shizuo, yet somehow he had missed this… he had missed it.

He stood outside his apartment in Shinjuku, still thinking quietly on this, when the answer hit him. It was truly almost like a ton of bricks with how heavy he felt immediately after the revelation. Shizuo… despite his faults, was good. He tried to help people who needed him… Shizuo probably did a lot of other good things he had missed.

Indeed, even if he was a monster he was loved because he was seen by people as good.

Ever since he met Shizuo it had always seemed unfair to him. How could Shizuo be loved even though he had monstrous strength? And how could he be hated even though he was human?

The answer finally came to him, though he didn't particularly like it. A good monster was loved just as much as a good person, just as a bad monster was hated much like a bad person.

He supposed this meant he was to be hated. After all, even HE knew he wasn't a good person… and being hated was alright. He had accepted that a very long time ago. What he couldn't accept was that Shizuo was loved even though he was a monster. It just wasn't fair!

He remembered so many people in his life who had looked at him in disgust, in horror, and in hatred.

A certain memory rolled over in his mind as he thought this. He remembered his mother, who, as she lay dying had whispered to him, _"I hate you, devil. You are a monster, Izaya. No matter how human you appear remember that… you are a monster." _He remembered her words, though he'd never given them much thought as he'd been too busy celebrating his mother's death. He didn't much like her, after all, even though he loved her, because she was a human. And even though she hated him, he knew he had always and would always love her unconditionally. He had celebrated because she'd reacted just as he thought. He didn't anticipate the monster speech, but he'd never dwelled on it too much.

He'd always thought it was a bit of a waste, though, that calling him a monster was all his mother had to say to him in her final moments.

But he remembered it now, and combined with all other things he had thought today it… it started to fall into place and cold iciness crept up on him like an unshakable stalker. No matter how human he appeared he was a monster and now he thought that… that maybe it was the opposite for Shizuo. Maybe, no matter how monstrous he appeared in the end, he was entirely human.

He tried to dismiss these facts, because if they were so than that meant he would have to love Shizuo because he was a human, and that just wouldn't do! Not when he'd spent so long harboring such hatred for him, and everything he was.

But what he had just thought could not be unthought. And well… this meant he either loved Shizuo like he loved all humans, or he failed in his quest to forgive and love every last one of them.

Neither option appealed to him.

As he thought this over, in the end he couldn't love Shizuo like he loved his humans. It was impossible, so he chose to ignore his realization, even though something felt hard in the pit of his stomach.

And he acted as if he didn't have a care in the world, skipping down the sidewalk, humming quietly to himself, looking forward to the next fight he'd have with Shizuo.

He was unhappy with the conclusions he had reached so he acted like they didn't exist, even though he could never not understand, he could never not see, and he could never not feel anymore, and he hated it.

Because now he was forced to understand that Shizuo's monstrous strength wasn't enough for people to hate him, and it wasn't enough to make him not human.

And that brought him to the real reason he hated Shizuo Heiwajima. Even though, he had monstrous strength, a monstrous temper, a monstrous rationalization, through everything, Shizuo had managed to remain human.

And it hurt his heart, to think this, it hurt to know the truth. He clenched his fingers inside his coat pocket, remembering all the crimes he'd done, and all the crimes he'd helped with. He'd never really been good, he realized. Even as a child, he had been so off, so different.

It was why he was given hope when he met Shizuo. A monster, someone just like him, someone who understood what it felt like to be hated. But Shizuo didn't, he did not meet his expectations. He was loved, he was human, he didn't fully understand what it meant to hate yourself.

And Shizuo, despite how much he hated it, how much he tried to deny it, the blonde monster was human. More human than even most humans.

But he had not been quite so lucky.

In the back of his mind, he supposed he had always known, and he would always know… but now he was forced to acknowledge it… now, he knew with a cold certainty that at the end of the day it didn't really matter what he said to Shizuo at all. Not when he had always known for certain that he was the true monster.

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**A/N So this is my first fanfic in another fandom, and it's my first Durarara fic. I really wanted to try and keep Izaya in character but... I'm not sure I really succeeded haha... I'm wondering if I should make a second chapter and turn it into a Shizaya fic at some point (I know it's common, but I really love the pairing). So, what would you think of that? I don't know myself, but I could definitely see myself doing it in the future. If you guys liked it reviews would be great! So, thanks for reading, I really hope it wasn't too bad. I guess I'll see you guys later. Bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

It all started when the boy cried monster.

Monster…

He'd never liked' to play games with people, thought it was a waste of time. And this belief of his was only ONE of the reasons he hated him. The man probably thought it was all a game, maybe it was a game of sorts, though it was one he was tiring of.

That's why, even though his body, mind, and heart were all screaming to drop everything and kill the man he had just within his grasps. He knew it was futile though, to drop everything. Because even though the man was within his grasp, he'd never remain there for long. And he was tired of giving the man that kind of satisfaction.

Which was why he instead dropped what he was doing, for someone who actually deserved it. Someone innocent, and good. Someone worth paying attention to.

. "Oh Shizu-Chan~." The man sang. "What're you doing over there?" he promptly ignored the stupid flea and instead asked the child what was wrong, then the kid started blabbing about everything on the face of the Earth. He tried to pay attention but glancing at the other brunette's face made it hard. He had to admit he felt an odd satisfaction at the look of disbelief when the man realized he'd been ignored.

"Shizu-Chan!" the short call was filled with anger he was not accustom to when dealing with the flea, but it again, made him slightly amused. Perhaps if he didn't give into his own desires, he didn't give into Izaya's either, and he liked that thought.

"Not now you stupid flea. Go do something else, I'm sure there's LOTS of other people you can go bother." He said and straightened up, taking the kid's hand and leading him off. He did want to help the kid find his mother, especially since he had so nearly been hurt by another moronic fight, he'd gotten himself into. He wished he didn't have to just give in to the pure rage he felt when looking into Izaya's brown eyes and wide smirk. But all he saw was red after that and usually the next thing he remembered was hearing the last of Izaya's taunts, before the man slipped into the shadows, not to be seen for another day or two. But Izaya always came crawling back to help lead him into an early grave.

Another rush of satisfaction coursed through him when he glanced back to see Izaya staring at the spot he had been with this almost confused expression on his face. He didn't exactly know what the flea was confused about, but any form of dissatisfaction was alright in his book.

"I see her, I see her!" he felt a tug on his sleeve and glanced down at the little boy he'd almost forgotten about.

"Oh, okay." He watched the boy run up to his mother and she crouched down in front of him grabbing his face. He couldn't make out any words, but the tone of her voice sounded relieved. He watched for a minute longer before turning back around in time to see Izaya walking off down the street. There was still time, to give chase, but he found he wasn't really in the mood right now. Plus, the reaction he'd gotten today shouldn't be ruined by the fact he gave into his desires now of all times. No, not when he was so close to making Izaya see he wasn't the center of the universe.

So then… why on Earth was he following him? Of all things, following him was something the parasite would do. It was not Shizuo-like at all! But… he had a certain curiosity at the moment. He'd never really cared to understand Izaya before, but at this moment, he figured it was normal for people to want to know some things about the people the often interacted with. And yes, he did spend half his day thinking about how he was going to choke the life out of the idiot. Mixed feelings of disappointment and relief always filled his mind when thinking of such things. Disappointment, because it was all over, and relief because he could stop worrying about Izaya hurting people. Neither feeling was exactly rejected or welcomed, but he accepted that was how he felt about the situation.

What really made him relieved, was when he felt any emotion besides anger. It meant he was proof he wasn't a monster fueled only by rage.

He was dragged out of his thoughts though, when the flea stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. For a moment, he thought that Izaya may have finally noticed him (he wasn't exactly being inconspicuous) but that obviously wasn't the case when he turned his head to the sky and uttered something like, "Monster." Under his breath.

And he couldn't help but snap and come stomping up behind him, reaching down to grab Izaya's arm and fling him across the street or something. He was surprised when he actually managed it though. So surprised, he didn't fling him across the street. Izaya's eyes snapped up to meet his. "Shizu-Chan?"

"Who are you calling monster, you little parasite?" there was a flicker of something and then a smirk slid over his face.

"Oh, so I said that out loud, did I? I didn't exactly mean for that to happen but oh well. Let's not talk about that and focus on the fact that you followed me all the way out here. Seems like something I would do Shizu-Chan."

He was starting to remember why he went out of control every time he saw Izaya. The guy was insufferable. "Don't go off about that. You called me a monster and now you're going to pay!"

"Now who said anything about that word being directed at you?"

"Well if it wasn't directed at me, then who was it directed at."

For the first time in his life he'd asked a question that Izaya refused to answer. For the first time in his life Izaya shut up. It only lasted for a minute, but it was worth it. "Alright, now then, I think it's time for you to let me go."

He watched silently as Izaya emphasized this point by driving a knife into his hand. He dropped Izaya and watch the other man laugh as he scrambled to his feet, quickly scampering several yards back from him. "Come and get me Shizu-Chan if you're not too scared of getting mauled~!" he crooned mockingly and waited. Izaya's stance was lazy, as if to insult him and his ability to fight.

"It may surprise you, but I actually didn't come here to fight today." He said.

"Oh really? Then why did you follow me exactly."

"I want answers, flea. Why do you keep calling me a monster just because I've got some anger issues and the strength to do something about it? YOU'RE the one that goes around, messing up people's happy lives and getting them to commit suicide, running them out of business, breaking up their marriages, or worse! If you ask me, you're the monster!"

Izaya paused and hesitated as he stood there. Shizuo watched as the parasite's smirk slowly slid off his face to replace it with some sort of stoic look. "You're right." Izaya said. "You're absolutely right, Shizu-Chan. We're two peas in a pod, both monsters. We can never be human; we can never be like the rest of them."

"What?"

"I thought I'd never admit it out loud but… I secretly hoped we'd be friends."

"You ditz, why would I ever be friends with you."

"I was a bit surprised, when you automatically hated me. It seemed a bit strange, but I dismissed it. But then, the humans started to like you. Hell, some of them even LOVED you. It was ridiculous! You, you who has inhuman strength and the worst anger issues I've ever seen, surrounded by people whereas I'm forced to be alone while I actually LOVE humans! You always brush them off, but what I wouldn't GIVE to be you!"

Shizuo didn't exactly know what to say to that. "You have Shinra." Shizuo said, but it was weak. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Shinra and Izaya in the same room together.

"You're so lucky and I… you're so HUMAN and I… I hate it. That you get to be human and I… am still a monster."

Shizu furrowed his eyebrows. "So… so you make fun of me… to make you feel better about yourself." Izaya shrugged. "Well, when I put it that way it makes you sound like the run-of-the-mill bully."

"Call it what you want Shizu-Chan, but I'm not in the mood to play anymore."

"It's not a game Izaya! God, it's NOT A GAME! You don't get to just stop because you 'don't feel like it'!"

"But don't I?"

Shizuo was silent. "You don't understand what little things you have until they're gone. I know that. All the little things in my life might not be gone quite yet, but I'm familiar with the notion all the same… I think you're very lucky, Shizu-Chan."

Shizuo had never thought of himself as lucky, though he'd never thought of Izaya as lucky either. He was just glad he didn't have to be Izaya, that would be the worst. "Oh yeah? Well just cus you've got problems, doesn't make-up for all the things you've done!"

"I'm not trying to make up for the thing's I've done." Izaya giggled a little bit. "It's funny you think I am."

"Well it's what sane people do most of the time."

"Yes, well if you hadn't noticed, I'm not exactly 'sane'."

"No, you're not, and maybe that's why I've wanted to push you off the roof since the first time we met."

"Perhaps… I want to deny what I am, by pushing it down to you. I don't want to be the only one."

"You're not." There were more monstrous men out there than Izaya. It was a bit scary for even Shizuo to think about, but there were. He knew there were.

"How do you figure?"

"Maybe you don't believe it, but there's worse than you out there in the world."

"Hmph, not by much."

"Maybe not, but it's something. And you should take what you can get."

Silence fell between them for a minute or two before Izaya had to open his stupid mouth again. "You're not supposed to have intelligent conversation with me you know. You're supposed to sputter unintelligibly while chucking heavy objects at me."

"Wasn't another one of the reasons you hated me because you can't predict what I'll do next?"

"Yes, it is. I see your point there Shizu-Chan."

"I'd find it funny if you didn't."

Izaya stared at the ground, or his fingers, one of the two and said, "Shizu-Chan what if… what if I don't want to be a monster. What should I do? I don't know how to be anything else."

"Well since I'm apparently a monster too, I'm afraid I don't really know how to help with that one."

"Yes, but how do you greet people?"

"Um… with a hello? I know that comes as a surprise, but normal people don't start a conversation with a backhanded compliment or just a plain insult.

"I know that! But what do I say to them?"

"Maybe you could tell them your name and something you like, I don't know. I haven't met any new people in a little while."

"You mean they all go out of their way to avoid you."

"… Something like that. But why don't you want to be a monster anymore? Or rather… uh, figuratively."

"I don't know. I love doing what I do, and I love to see people's reactions to certain situations. I like doing all that, and I don't mind getting my hands dirty, and I don't mind killing someone. But I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life either."

"That's understandable I suppose…"

"I don't care if I'm a monster, not really. I just don't want to be a monster alone."

"Well then, maybe you should stop chasing me and go look for your monsters in the dark alleys. God knows there's a lot of them."

"It's a bit dark down there Shizu-Chan."

"I didn't take you to be someone who was scared of the dark."

"No, no, not scared of the dark. It's only an observation." Izaya said.

"Well then what did you want to do about it?"

"I want you to come with me Shizu-Chan." He said.

"No."

"Shizu-Chan really is a monster, abandoning me like this." Izaya said, mock sadness dripping heavily in his tone.

"Shut up. Count your lucky stars you aren't dead now."

"And why is that."

"I'm sick and tired of giving you what you want." He crossed his arms. "I'm done with that now. I'm not going to do what you want anymore, no matter what you call me."

"Meanie, Shizu-Chan." Izaya grumbled. "If you don't give me what I want I'm going to get bored. Then what'll the innocent humans of this town do? Fight me off themselves? Way to abandon them Shizu-Chan! Now I'll be able to do whatever, whenever, and no one else here can possibly stop me!"

"And here I thought you might want to change."

"I'll never change Shizu-Chan. And no matter how hard you try, you won't either. It will always end like this, until the day one of us dies."

"Then maybe I should speed up the process."

"By giving me what I want? I thought you said you weren't going to do that anymore Shizu-Chan."

He glared at the man in front of him. "Flea, you're on my last nerve…"

"Nothing will ever change. You'll always be the monster man who chases, and I will always be the monster man who runs. What, like a game of cat and mouse I think it's called? And you know Shizu-Chan, in that game people ALWAYS want the mouse to win."

Shizuo knew that Izaya had won the moment his legs started moving on their own and again, he was chasing him down the street. "You'll always lose!" he heard Izaya call behind him.

They ran down alley after alley until they came to a dead end. This wasn't the only time that had happened, and even with the dead end Izaya always managed to somehow get away.

But usually there was a trashcan he could slow Shizuo down with, or a ladder he could climb up, or a fence he could scale. Not this time. _You'll always lose. _"Not this time." And maybe he saw something like a flicker of fear, but it was gone when he'd blinked, so Shizuo couldn't be sure. What he could be sure of was that after all this time it would feel good to finally silence the boy who wrongly cried monster.

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**A/N So, what did you think of the second chapter? I never thought I was gonna update again, but I was really excited last night about it for some reason and so I was like, "Yes! I've updated Operation: Catch a Dragneel AND The Devil and Me! Let's keep going!" and so here it is, something I wrote last night. I'm fairly sure that I kind of got their personalities wrong but it's so hard to make them have a civil conversation with their actual personalities, so I tweaked it a bit (of course Shizuo's self-control didn't last long). So what do you guys think, do you want Izaya to die? Or do you want Shizuo to resist killing him? (personally the second option's my favorite so if no one says anything, I'm definitely going with that one. If a lot of people want Izaya to die, I'd be more willing to consider that ending though. So, reviews are very much appreciated, thanks to everyone who followed/faved this story already! Your support keeps me writing this! I don't know when I'll see you next, but probably when I have another bout of weird inspiration. I love reviews and hearing what you think! I will see you guys soon! BYE!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Thank you everyone who has supported this story so far, it means so much to me. If you liked the end, I love reviews, thanks! Enjoy!**

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With his back against the wall, Izaya knew he had nowhere to go. And the instant he succumbed to his own fears was the moment Shizuo lunged, and the moment he wasn't able to dance out of the way. He had never given into his fears like that before, and it was rather fitting that the moment he did was the moment that sealed his fate.

Izaya felt the moment his body was slammed into the brick wall of the alley. He was just barely able to stop the back of his head from hitting it too, in some miraculous show of resistance. Glancing up, Izaya's eyes met Shizuo's, and that monsters face was pulled into an ugly sort of glare. Izaya could see hatred gleaming in every tense muscle.

"Oh Shizu-Chan, so monstrous." Izaya said, and was proud of himself when his voice didn't so much as waver.

"I really hate you." Shizuo commented.

"I know." Izaya said, smirking. "I can live with that. So just hurry up and kill me."

It was so blunt. And the correct response should've been _to_ kill him immediately. But then, he hesitated. It wasn't like it mattered much that he did, Izaya, for all his tricks and agility, wouldn't be able to fight Shizuo head on to save his life. In this instance, quite literally. "Any last words," Shizuo grumbled.

"No, not really."

"Good, you've probably said enough already for several lifetimes."

"Then may the world make me mute in the next life." Izaya said, smirking.

"You don't seem too bothered by that."

"The prospect in itself is rather dull, but maybe the ordinary shall satisfy me next time."

"Yeah, next time." Shizuo muttered and went to beat him, but Izaya interrupted him before he could.

"Was it ever a game to you, Shizu-chan, the chase,"

Shizuo clenched his fists tighter, lifting Izaya by the collar. "No." he answered shortly and slammed him into the wall again. This time, Izaya heard the sickening crack of what could only be his skull on brick. White hot pain instantly erupted inside his head, blinding him.

He couldn't hear anything Shizuo was saying and simply closed his eyes. Somewhere deep, _deep _inside maybe he himself thought he deserved this. But that was something Izaya would never admit to himself, not even in death, and certainly not otherwise.

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Shizuo dropped Izaya, who instantly crashed to the ground without grace, another thud on concrete. Shizuo hovered over him, wondering if his mortal enemy was at last dead beside his feet. But he heard shallow breathing and concluded that was not the case (unfortunately.) He stood there, thinking one or two more punches should do it, if he put his full strength into it and started hitting vital body parts. It was just common sense.

But for some reason, he just stood there, like an unmoving rock. He didn't understand why he couldn't just do it, but maybe it had something to do with the fact that there was blood streaming out of Izaya's body. Or maybe it was because he lay there unmoving, maybe because he was barely breathing, or maybe it was the look of terror on his face, probably there because of the thought of dying. Because that emotion made it all too real for Shizuo. He hesitated because of the very human expression. It gave him pause because Izaya was supposed to be a monster through and through.

But even Shizuo knew that was not true. Knew it couldn't be true, not with the overwhelming evidence that suggested otherwise.

He couldn't deliver the final blow because now, in the face of death, Shizuo could see what human reactions Izaya had. The reactions of defeat, terror, remorse. And maybe this experience helped the both of them realize something.

Or at least, Shizuo had learned something, he could only hoped Izaya had gotten something out of it too.

Neither of them were invincible, that fact was becoming increasingly clear. Shizuo had always known he was weak in the face of Izaya's taunts, his mind susceptible to anger, uncontrollable rage, and he ended up making mistakes when that occurred. Like right now, right now was a mistake, and one he shouldn't think he would soon forget.

Shizuo wondered how he should handle this situation. It wasn't as if he was particularly smart or the guy to go to in an emergency such as this. A doctor would be the person to go to for this.

Shizuo sighed, and realized he didn't have much time to decide what to do. Izaya's breath kept growing shallower, the flicker of light in his eyes growing darker as the seconds past.

Shizuo knelt down and hesitantly scooped the other man into his arms, looking for the best escape route. He couldn't very well walk through the city in broad daylight like this, the police would have even more reason to arrest him than they already did.

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Izaya's vision was blurred to the point he could barely make out anything except a few colors and maybe a face. He wondered what was going on, and more importantly why he hadn't perished yet. It was odd, maybe Shizuo was dragging it out so he would be in more pain even longer.

That didn't seem quite right either though. That was something Izaya would do, torture his opponent and make their pain last for as long as possible, but Shizuo was hardly like that. He was more of the impulsive type and while Izaya had no doubt the other man wanted him to suffer greatly, he also doubted he could restrain himself long enough for his thick head to reach such a conclusion.

So that could mean either of two things. Either Shizuo had walked off to get a lamp post or something to beat him to death with, or someone had somehow stolen him and were probably preparing knew ways to torture or kill him.

Izaya honestly didn't know which outcome was worse. But it must've been one of those two things because there was no way in hell Shizuo had actually stopped to thin about what he was doing. It wasn't even because Izaya believed Shizuo to be a monster, it was just a fact, and a trait of his personality.

And the reality of that trait was impulsiveness. Izaya didn't remember a time where Shizuo had stopped to think _ever_. And he doubted the ape was going to start now when Izaya was on his death bed.

What Izaya couldn't explain was why he felt warm. Normally, he would've expected death to be cold and empty, filled with either intense pain or complete numbness, detached from anything that could possible relate you to a living person.

But it wasn't like he was complaining anyway. Izaya leaned into the warmth instead, wondering if this wasn't perhaps what death was, but what clinging to the last remnants of life felt like.

* * *

If Shizuo had been expecting something, he certainly wouldn't have been expecting Izaya to lean into him. It was obvious though that his enemy wasn't in his right mind. But if he was Shizuo knew he'd probably do the same thing. He'd always liked annoying people to the brink of insanity anyway. "Shizu-chan…" Izaya mumbled. Shizuo glanced down, surprised to hear his voice. He would've thought the other was incapable of speaking he was so weak.

But who was he kidding.

This was Izaya he was talking about.

Izaya took a deep breath and muttered something. Shizuo didn't catch what it was, both because it was too quiet and because it was laced with choked sobs.

"What?" and then Shizuo realized Izaya probably couldn't hear him.

He muttered it again and Shizuo still couldn't hear, which deeply annoyed him. "What?" he asked again, a bit more irritably this time. He didn't know if the flea could hear him but asking the question before had prompted a repeat, so perhaps this would make him speak up louder.

"M'sorry." He cried.

Shizuo felt Izaya's fingers grip his shirt tightly.

A few more trickles of blood fell onto the concrete. Maybe Shizuo should've covered the wound… yeah, that probably would've been smart. "It's…" Shizuo started in response to the admission, but stopped himself because he was so used to saying it was okay, but this time it really wasn't.

"I don wanna die." he mumbled, each word seemed slurred together and sloppy.

"You'll be okay." Shizuo said then, because he felt that was something easier to promise.

"I don wanna die…"

"I know! Would you just shup up!" Shizuo growled, annoyed by the repetition. "You're not even gonna die, you idiot."

Shizuo sped up a little as he said that, almost running now. "M'sorry."

"I know."

* * *

Izaya hadn't noticed when, but the world went black before his eyes and he thought that was it, everything was gone now. With broken bones and a bashed in skull he was going to die now. Finally he could die.

Somewhere deep inside he felt he deserved this.

But most of him screamed that he didn't want to die. And why would he want to die? His life had been near perfection before, there was no reason to throw that all away. No reason at all.

Izaya thought the darkness would last forever, but it didn't. Eventually he saw a light in the distance and then in his eyes, blinding him.

He tried to sit up as soon as his eyes shot open, but the pain in his skull instantly halted him and he fell backward, groaning. "Owww," he muttered, staring up at the ceiling. What the hell happened to him?

And then he remembered, Shizuo, the alley, his head, the brick wall. Everything came back to him instantly and he sighed. He didn't know how he was alive or who'd managed to steal him from Shizuo, but he did know nothing good could come out of it.

"Hey." The voice almost gave him a heart attack, but he controlled himself and slowly turned his head towards it. Shizuo, sitting on a chair, his usual scowl on his face "I guess you didn't die. I'm almost disappointed."

"What do you mean _almost_. And if you really wanted me dead so badly you shouldn't have brought me here."

"No, I probably shouldn't have."

"There was not 'probably' in that sentence. You shouldn't have brought me wherever this is."

"It's Shinra's. He was happy to help."

"Probably for a pretty penny."

"Probably."

Izaya scowled, "Why did you bring me here?"

"So you wouldn't die." Shizuo said, scowling back.

"Hmph, I always knew you were an idiot but this is a new low. You finally have your chance to kill me and you bring me to the doctor instead."

"I'm not you, I'm not a bad person. I don't take some sadistic pleasure in hurting people for my own sick satisfaction!" Shizuo spat.

Izaya clenched his fists, and turned is head back up to the ceiling. "Besides," Shizuo added, "you deserve this, deserve to live with the fact you are not a god. I just thought I'd give you a reminder of how human you are."

Izaya's face burned in anger. How dare that good for nothing brute speak to him that way. He heard Shizuo stand up and shoes coming over to his bedside where he towered over him. And Izaya didn't like it one bit but he realized it didn't really matter what he wanted. Because he couldn't sit up or make Shizuo leave.

Izaya watched Shizuo's hand reach towards him, expecting some sort of violent retaliation. Izaya studied Shizuo's face carefully. He was smirking though, which was never a good sign.

Izaya almost flinched away but managed not to when Shizuo rested his hand on Izaya's head.

He waited for the grip to tighten and pull him up, growl some sort of threat.

It never did come though. Shizuo just stroked his hair, which, even though it felt nice, was far more degrading. "And by the way, I forgive you." Shizuo said.

Izaya didn't know what this crazy man was talking about but he was so startled with the words and actions of what felt suspiciously like kindness Izaya didn't manage to come up with a response until long after he'd left. "… I never apologized." He grumbled.

But in a way, Izaya was almost glad for what had happened today. It wasn't fun being beaten to the brink of death, but it reminded him that he could be hurt and confused, scared. And it made him feel closer to the humans he adored than he'd felt in a long time.

Maybe he was more human than he'd always thought.

* * *

**A/N Uhh, hi guys. So... I was actually starting to think I'd never finish it but today, the last day of vaca sounded perfect, so here is the official last chapter. I doubt I'll make anything more out of it. I hope you guys enjoy the ending as much as I enjoyed writing it and I also hope you enjoy the teeny, teeny, tiny amount of Shizaya in this chapter. I enjoyed it, but I didn't want to make it too OOC (well, more ooc than I've already made it). But anyway, thanks for reading, if you liked the end to this leave a review and if you didn't leave a review (I would like you to tell me why if you didn't like it, but whatever. Flame if you must, just know I will likely ignore it) I'll see you soon n some other story, bye!**


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